Halloween

This week I have had the amazing oppertunity to spend time with the Carrillos. Yesterday we carved pumpkins and then I made sugar cookies witht he kids. I love spending every minute I do with them and I love being their nanny!!!

Is winter really here?

The first signs of winter have showed their presence this week and as we all know I am not to happy about it!

This weekend was my second weekend of part 3 of Great Life and man was it a fantastic weekend. The lessons that I walked out of that class learning were absolutely amazing. So many new relationships were built and my level of awareness just went up! I again was able to see why I do things the way I do them and how they really affect my life. After Saturdays amazing ropes course in the cold wet rain I did not think I was going to survive it took my body almost 24hrs to get back to a normal body temp. In the end it was all worth it. I learned so much and had an amazing experience.

Sunday I was able to take a little "ME" time and relax around the house for the first part of the day which was much needed. Later that evening I got to enjoy my favorite food with a best friend and later join her at her house so that this week she could assist me in getting to work. A couple weeks ago my car broke down and that has been the worst headache of my life! So I have really had to learn to ask for help and receive it. What a great growing experience that has been for me.

Monday & today have not been enjoyable mornings cause I wake up to snow on the ground and that just makes me want to scream. I HATE snow with a passion. I want no part of it but apparently it wants to be part of my life and I am so not okay with that, especially in October. I am very much so over it. There is one thing I do love about the cold weather, THE WARMTH OF A HOUSE!!! This morning at work I was able to make some orange cranberry muffins and hot coco and sit down and read a book while the baby is napping and man is that relaxing. As long as i dont have to walk into the snow and feel the cold I am ok and it can stay but the minute I am cold it is not okay and it has to go.

The big 21

Well this year was a big birthday year for me! I turned 21...... :) Man I have been looking forward to this day for so long! I remember being 8 or 9 and saying to myself I am NEVER going to be 21 and now i am here and i just cant believe it. This birthday I got to share with my Graduation for part 2 of Great Life and man what an amazing day to share my 21st birthday with. This day was a very bittersweet day for me. As everyone knows this is my first birthday without my dad, and man was he looking forward to being here for this birthday... So it was a hard day to celebrate without him here but i know without a doubt in my mind that he was here in spirit through it all. Daddy I miss you and want to say thank you for making the first 21 years of my life absolutely memorable. You are the best dad I could ask for! Love you!

It went from me and you to just me!!!

Well as all of you know, I was in a relationship back in July and was head over heels for this boy, well here we are on the 19th of October and I have been single for over a month now and most would say are you ok? Is there anything I can do? and really all i can say to everyone is that this is so right for me! Joe came into my life when I needed him most, I loved him in a way I have never loved anyone and he taught me things about myself and about life that I never would have learned if he would not have been in my life. I will not go into details as to why Joe and I are no longer together on my blog if anyone wants to know that is a private matter that we can discuss!!! Joe is an amazing person and if it were a different time in both of our lives I believe that it could work but Joe has alot of growing up to do before I can see it working with us. He will always be someone that holds a very special place in my heart and I want nothing but the best for him! I hope he enjoys his time in the Marines and learns what he needs to and gets out of it what he needs to get out of it! I love you Joe, and wish u the best! I now get the oppertunity to walk in this life by myself for a while and I am so thankful for that oppertunity!!!

Through this all my friends were an amazing support system and I love you all so much. I am so thankful for all you do and really without u in life i dont know where I would be!

Living the Great Life

Well where to start next, I guess I now get to tell everyone about my amazing experience in a class that I have been taking it is called Great Life! When I first heard about this class I thought my Angel(as they call her in class) was crazy. An angel is someone before me that has completed the course and referred me for whatever reason to do the class. I walked in there and really said o i dont need this, this is going to do nothing for me. Well was I ever so wrong, I have walked out of this class learning more about me and the way i function then I have experienced in my whole life time.

There are 3 parts to this class the first one is called Awakenings, and man do you get an awakening. The exercises that we completed at first like I said I thought was crazy but as time went on I totally saw the value in it all. I was able to meet an amazing group of 32+ people and have amazing relationships with every single one of them. It is the best thing in the world to be able to call them my family and my best friends, i love them all so much. I walked out of Awakenings on cloud nine, nothing could get in the way of how i was feeling and the things i was going to do!!!

The second part of this is called Brillance, and wow do you ever learn that. I now know how much i am worth and the happiness that this has brought to my life is amazing. Being able to accomplish things in a new manner and going for things i would never have gone for in my life is amazing! I love every second of it. It is so weird how i now see life in a different light. During part 2 we added some new people to the group which at first was VERY hard for me because I had built an amazing relationship with so many other people and i didnt want anyone entering my bubble!!! But man are they just as amazing as the rest of them and I love them just as much...

Part 3 is called The Great Life, I am just headed into my second weekend of part 3 because there are 3 weekend involved and the first weekend was one of the most amazing experiences ever and i am so very excited to go back...

I am also really looking forward to staffing after i finish my training, I know that my coaches made a huge difference in my great life experience! And I am so very thankful for them and I cant wait til I have the oppertunity to give back...

Daddies head stone!!!

Wow So I don't even know where to start with this blog it has been SOOOOOO long since I have made a post that I am now trying to go back and figure it all out in my head as to what has happened and make sure that I am posting in that order... Well I think one of the biggest things that had happened is that my dads headstone was finally placed on his grave. This was a VERY hard thing for the family, I don't think any of us really new how to handle it or what to think about it! Really it just set in stone in my mind that he is really gone and I did not like that not one bit so this was extremely hard for me. There are so many nights where I lay here hoping and wishing that my dad was going to walk back in the doors, that I would get to hug him one more time. That I would be able to tell him how much I love him and how much I appreciate all he has done. I long to walk hand in hand with him again, for him to just be a phone call away. I miss him so much and if i was given the oppertunity to tell him just how much I love him and to wrap my arms around him one more time and feel his sweet embrace I would never let go, i would never let him slip through my grasp. I would cherish every moment that i have had with him and create so many more lasting memories.

Life has been so hard with him not being there to call! I miss hearing his voice and the wonderful words of wisdom that he used to share. Shortly after the passing of my dad I was told by an amazing women that he would let me know that he was present by leaving me feathers. The first experience of this was on fathers day after i read him a letter that I wrote for him, it was not there before the letter and when i got done reading it there it was at my feet. That was one of the most powerful experiences of my life! Then when i went home the end of August first of September to see his bench/headstone my mom was there and we spent sometime at the grave together and then I asked her if I could have some time with him by myself and I just broke down talking to what some would think was the wind but I new he was there and heard every word that I said I asked for him to please let me know that he was there. Well I left and went to my moms and spent some time with her at the house we tried to clean out his closet and it just was not happening, neither of us were ready for that. The time came for me to go home, and i wanted to stop by the grave so my mom and i went back down to the grave together to put the flowers and reeces candy i bought him on the grave. As i was leaving i kissed my mom goodbye and told her i loved her and then I told my dad that I loved him and missed him dearly and as I walked back to the car there was a feather laying right next to my car door. He yet again let me know he was there. That was the longest drive home I have ever had cause all I wanted was to see my dad again. I had another amazing experience very recently, I was going to my best friends little boys baseball game and got out of the car and a feather floated right in front of me and there were NOOOOOOOO birds around, this was the first time that my dad had really let me know he was there without me directly asking him to let me know. He just new i needed it. I love him so much and am so thankful that I am able to call him my daddy. i hope he knows just how much I miss him and that I think about him everyday of my life. He comes to me in my dreams all the time and really it is like we are talking face to face, I remember one dream in particular, he took me in his arms and said Ashley please never forget that I am always walking right beside you, that I am there through it all, I see it all and I love you so much. He kissed my cheek and said put it in your pocket, and save it for a rainy day... I woke up from that dream feeling so warm and loved.

Daddy I miss you so much and I love you more then anything in the world.