warmth

Last night was a rather rough night for me, there were lots of tears feelings of the unknown and my fear of not being good enough kicked in. I felt very lost, and really worried so i decided to pray, something I am not always the greatest at... and i balled through the whole prayer because i could feel the sense of peace and love as i was saying the prayer, a gentle calmness came over me and an extreme warmth of love. During the prayer I asked for assistance in the fast that I am doing today, and preparing myself ahead of time for the fast has made a world of difference already i know that i get to be prayerful and that my questions will be answered! I am so thankful for this blessing and the love and support i feel from my heavenly father! Today it is going to be a good day with lots of love and joy.

Quotes

"A child in a farm looks up, sees a plane flying overhead and dreams of a faraway place. A traveler in the plane looks down, see the farm house and dreams of home. That's life; you'll never realize the value of something or someone unless it is taken or moves away from you.... so be happy and start enjoying what you have now!!!!"

"BE OPEN.... and let life bring you joy and inspiration. Sometimes, by saying NO, you're depriving yourself of what could be a happier life."

"PRAY... its the only thing that will solve your problem."

"LIFE is an adventure in forgiveness."

"SOMETIMES, YOU NEED TO STEP OUTSIDE, GET SOME AIR, AND REMIND YOURSELF OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE."

"do things with passion or not at all. Whereever you go, go with all your heart."

????

Have you ever made a decision and been so clear about the decision that u forgot how hard it can be and that there are things that are going to stand in ur way. Last year I made the decision i was going back to Church, I was getting married in the temple and i was making that my life! All along the way forgetting that the devil is going to play up on that now more then ever. Life has come at me fast and i miss so much going on cause it is easier this way.

This weekend I looked into someones eyes and knew my heart was walking outside my body, never in my life have i felt so strongly about something. My heart says go and my head says NO. How do u look at someone and know without a doubt they are the one u are going to marry when u just met them, how can u know something so simple after a couple hrs. How is that even possible.

How do i tell him that without him being like what the heck! what is this life about? where do i go from here

WHAT DO I WANT & WHAT I AM CREATING!!!!!

To many of you this languge and use of words might make little sense but to those who know what I am talking about thank you for helping remember this and what is important to me! Tonight I decided to take a look at my life from a different view i got down to the level of a child and played on the play ground and just let my pure innoncence come out so that I could take a look at how simple life can really be if I only let it! I decided instead of constantly saying what I dont want I get to say what I do want and what I am creating... So... I made a list. and just took time to remember some of the small things that I tend to forget!!! Alot of this is what I want in my relationships seeing as i tend to falt and slip there. So here it goes....

I want someone who I can laugh and cry with. Someone who accepts me for me. I want an open honest relationship, chemisty. I want security. I want a friendship. I want hugs and kisses sleepless nights fill of cuddling under the stars i want companionship i want financial security I want passion. I want to be supported and loved appreciated, I want to be called beautiful. I want to be told I am missed, I want to be missed, I want cute text messages on my phone when I wake up in the morning or after an afternoon nap. I want phone calls during the day asking if i am ok, I want to know I am enough, I want to trust my instinct. I want to enjoy the small things and not rush for the big ones. I want to see the good in someone, I want to see the good in myself. I want to make memories that last a life time. I want to smile even when it is bad . I want to love everyone equally without condition and i want to be loved equally without condition. I want to cook dinner next to the one I love and clean up together after. I want to clean the house together so it goes faster and we have more time to spend together doing the things we love. I wat to cuddle on the couch and watch Monday night football. I want to dance in the club til my heart is content. I want to kiss in the rain and count all the starts in the sky, I want to have water fights in the middle of winter and pillow fights in the dead of night. I wat to trust in the moment and just see what tomorrow brings. I want to be happy. I want to raise a family and build a dream home for them to grow up in. I want to find the things that bring me peace. I want to share my life with someone (a man) I want to always remember "I am a BEAUTIFUL, CARING, POWERFUL Women."

WHAT I AM CREATING IS:

I am creating open, honest, relationships with myself and those around me by providing an authentic, loving, open, warm, trust space. I am creating healthy relationships that bring job, trust, and oppertunities for growth. I am creating a powerful warm atmosphere for future generations to grow up in. I am creating a beautiful, open, trusting, safe realtionship with a man. I am creating a loving, vulnerable, honest, open, warm, safe space for myself to continue to learn and grow. I am creating a healthy life style full of longjevity and life that will teach measures of weightloss and mental rehabilitation. I am creating wealth in numbers to survive and assist those around me. I am creating a new job doing things I love. I am creating continued learning and success. I am creating a life full of abundence; an abundence of pure love, wealth, trust, growth, and transformation. I am creating a safe and secure me....

So after I wrote what I want and what I am creating I decided to take my "I am" statement and analyze what each word really means to me and what they represent when I say them. At first this was really hard for me it was hard to think of what i see as beautiful, what that defines that and why I think that word is me.

What does my "I AM" statement mean to me??? " I AM A BEAUTIFUL, CARING, POWERFUL WOMEN."

BEAUTIFUL:

*glowing

*special inside and out

*different/unique

*vibrant spirit

*makes others feel good

*inspirational

CARING:

*puts other first

*want to make change for the better

*sees past imperfections

*loving

*trusting

*good listener

*helper

*worries about others

*attentive

*takes interest in others

POWERFUL:

*Influential

*life changing

*strong

*creator

*successful

*compelling

*effective

*courageous

Memorial Day

So I have decided that it is time to post another blog, Today is memorial day and really all I can think about is my dad and how much I really miss him! As you all know this blog has really become a place for me to share my feelings and thought about missing him! So I went searching this morning for some poems that tell how I am feeling on this day and thought I would come here to share them. :D

I Wanted You To Know......

I Was Sitting Here In Heaven
And Having A Wonderful Day.
I Started Thinking About You
And All The Things I Didn’t Get A Chance To Say.
I Don’t Want You To Worry About Me
And Please Don’t Shed Any Tears,
Because I Will Wait For You In Heaven,
If It Takes A Hundred Years.
Everything I Had On Earth
I Have In Heaven Too!
My First Day Here
My Body Became Brand New.
It Is Really Pretty Here
And I Love My New Home,
Although Your Heart Is Broken
Because My Body Is Gone.
My Love Will Always Be There
As You Go Along The Way,
Just Take A Peek Inside Your Heart
There Is Where I’ll Stay.
Know That I Loved My Family
And All My Friends Too,
My Thoughts Will Be With Each Of You
Your Whole Life Through.

My Precious Daddy

I Wish I Could See You One More Time
Come Walking Through My Door
But, I Know That Is Impossible
I Will Hear Your Voice No More
I Know You Can Feel My Tears
And You Don’t Want Me To Cry
Yet, My Heart Is Broken
Because I Can’t Understand Why
Someone So Precious Had To Die
I Pray That God Will Give Me Strength
And Somehow Get Me Through
As I Struggle With This Heartache
That Was Caused By Losing You

This last poem is Very Significant in my life as well as my families as it is the poem we put on my dads funeral announcement!!! I love you Daddy!!!

Miss Me But Let Me Go

Submitted by: sebringirw

Author: Anonymous

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want to rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go

For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.

So life for me has been really rough over the last month, I find myself with no energy wanting to cry all day and not do anything with myself. I have taken a leave of absence from work and started going to a counsler and started on some new meds and I am really hoping that they start to work cause I cant do this anymore. I included some new pics of me on here... My hair is getting long and I love it! No desire to cut it at all! Thanks for reading the post, Love you all.

Walking with my heavenly father.

A very good friend of mine posted this on facebook for a friend she lost a couple months ago and she kindly let me take it and use it. I miss my dad so very much and i know that he is with me everyday. I love u so much dad.


I know that this is everything he is saying to us right now, i know that he loves us and misses us all. The picture right above is what i love to think about when I think of my dad with his heavenly father. First of all being embraced in his loving arms and second receiving the white throw. I know my dad is doing what he needs to be doing and he is where he is supposed to be! I love you so much dad and i miss u! The passage below says all i am sure he wants to say to us.

To my dearest family & friends, some things Id like to say. But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay. Im writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here, theres no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just because Im out of sight. Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, I welcome you. Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, Theyll be here later on. I need you here so badly, you are part of my plan. There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man. God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you. And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years. Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain. I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned. If I were to tell you , you wouldnt understand. But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is oer. Im closer to you now, than I ever was before. There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb; But together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and Id like it for you too; That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you. If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain; Then you can say to God at night....My day was not in vain. And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile. Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile. So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low; Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go. When youre walking down the street and youve got me on your mind; Im walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. And when its time for you to go...from that body to be free. Remember youre not going...youre coming here to me

Well this week has been great so Far... Saturday I got to watch someone who I consider a brother and have grown up with my whole life marry his best friend and partner in life my beautiful cousin Becky!!! I was so blessed to be able to help with the wedding and to be there and forever I will be thankful for that. It was a beautiful wedding and I love how much they love each other. Congrats Mike and Becky I wish You a lifetime of happiness. My aunt Stephanie did an amazing job pulling the wedding together and they are so lucky to have her.


Sunday was another AMAZING day... I was able to attend Stake Conference and listen to some amazing talks one of them being from Elder M. Russel Ballard. It was so amazing to be taught at the foot of an apostle. That day I also received my recommend to get my patriarchal blessing and I scheduled that appointment for Tuesday March 29th at 5:00pm... I dont think I have been so excited for something in a very long time! I know that there is a reason that I waited so long to get my blessing rather then getting it at 14 or 15 I know it is going to serve me in a way now that it never would have! I am so so so excited and I love this forward movement on this path to rightousness.

Monday I started a new job at 1800-contacts and let me tell you.... I LOVE IT... really being there does not even feel like it is work and I am just so thankful to have the job! they have a restraunt there for us to eat at and Monday I got Steak, a baked potato, green beans, a roll, and a drink of choice for only 2.50... yeah wow and every day since then it has been the same. This is a company that cares about their employees and wants what is best for them! I am very excited to have this job and am so thankful for all the trials and tribulations that have placed me here. I could not ask for anything better! :D

Well I guess that is all for this post! See you next week after the blessing hopefully!!!