Wow So I don't even know where to start with this blog it has been SOOOOOO long since I have made a post that I am now trying to go back and figure it all out in my head as to what has happened and make sure that I am posting in that order... Well I think one of the biggest things that had happened is that my dads headstone was finally placed on his grave. This was a VERY hard thing for the family, I don't think any of us really new how to handle it or what to think about it! Really it just set in stone in my mind that he is really gone and I did not like that not one bit so this was extremely hard for me. There are so many nights where I lay here hoping and wishing that my dad was going to walk back in the doors, that I would get to hug him one more time. That I would be able to tell him how much I love him and how much I appreciate all he has done. I long to walk hand in hand with him again, for him to just be a phone call away. I miss him so much and if i was given the oppertunity to tell him just how much I love him and to wrap my arms around him one more time and feel his sweet embrace I would never let go, i would never let him slip through my grasp. I would cherish every moment that i have had with him and create so many more lasting memories.
Life has been so hard with him not being there to call! I miss hearing his voice and the wonderful words of wisdom that he used to share. Shortly after the passing of my dad I was told by an amazing women that he would let me know that he was present by leaving me feathers. The first experience of this was on fathers day after i read him a letter that I wrote for him, it was not there before the letter and when i got done reading it there it was at my feet. That was one of the most powerful experiences of my life! Then when i went home the end of August first of September to see his bench/headstone my mom was there and we spent sometime at the grave together and then I asked her if I could have some time with him by myself and I just broke down talking to what some would think was the wind but I new he was there and heard every word that I said I asked for him to please let me know that he was there. Well I left and went to my moms and spent some time with her at the house we tried to clean out his closet and it just was not happening, neither of us were ready for that. The time came for me to go home, and i wanted to stop by the grave so my mom and i went back down to the grave together to put the flowers and reeces candy i bought him on the grave. As i was leaving i kissed my mom goodbye and told her i loved her and then I told my dad that I loved him and missed him dearly and as I walked back to the car there was a feather laying right next to my car door. He yet again let me know he was there. That was the longest drive home I have ever had cause all I wanted was to see my dad again. I had another amazing experience very recently, I was going to my best friends little boys baseball game and got out of the car and a feather floated right in front of me and there were NOOOOOOOO birds around, this was the first time that my dad had really let me know he was there without me directly asking him to let me know. He just new i needed it. I love him so much and am so thankful that I am able to call him my daddy. i hope he knows just how much I miss him and that I think about him everyday of my life. He comes to me in my dreams all the time and really it is like we are talking face to face, I remember one dream in particular, he took me in his arms and said Ashley please never forget that I am always walking right beside you, that I am there through it all, I see it all and I love you so much. He kissed my cheek and said put it in your pocket, and save it for a rainy day... I woke up from that dream feeling so warm and loved.
Daddy I miss you so much and I love you more then anything in the world.
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